Only Urkel Matters, Episode 1.8
“Mr. Badwrench”
Original Air Date: November 17, 1989
Last week, Aunt Rachel conveniently learned how to do auto-body work right before she crashed Carl’s police car, and Harriet covered for her against her better instincts.
If you’d like to catch up on an episode before you read the recap, you can watch every Family Matters on Hulu. If you missed last week’s recap, you can read it here. Any “Only Urkel Matters” that you may have missed can be found here.
“I can’t wait to go to my rich son’s house. Screw you, poors!” Photo Credit: IMDB
Cold Open:
Harriet asks Laura to take out the trash on her way out the door, but Urkel walks in and insists that he do it instead, because hands as delicate as Laura’s should never have to touch garbage. He’s carrying a briefcase (because of course he has a briefcase and not a book-bag), which he sets aside to take the garbage out. Obviously, he trips over the briefcase and accidentally strews garbage all over the kitchen floor. Steve says, “Did I do that?” for the first time. This is one of his many money-grabbing catchphrases.
Carl’s Story:
The episode begins with everyone at the breakfast table in their robes. Carl comes in and asks if his mother is STILL in the shower, implying that she’s been in there for a long while. This is a bit out of character for Estelle, who has previously bragged about how much she likes to conserve resources. If you remember, she was the one who made the “depression dinner” when Harriet got fired in episode two. Mother Winslow is excited because she’s going to visit Carl’s brother, Frank. Frank’s house has three bathrooms, all with showers in them, and Mother Winslow will get to have her own. Carl rushes his mother out the door so that she can catch her train.
When Carl returns from dropping Estelle off at the train station, he has decided that he is going to install a shower in his mother’s bathroom. I have to respect a man who will try to improve his household himself, especially because I will never be the kind of guy who will even try this. I have no interest in that kind of work, and I’d rather pay someone who has a passion for it. My passion for Urkel is enough for me. Harriet likes the idea of installing a shower, but she doesn’t want Carl to do it, because he’s fucked up all of his previous attempts at handiwork. When he insists on doing it himself, she lists them off to him. You get the sense that she doesn’t relish doing so; she admires this quality in him, but doesn’t want to waste the money on fixing whatever he fucks up when they could just pay someone to do it now. This scene was well-written, made even better by some superb acting by Jo Marie Peyton. There is also a typical Family Matters sight gag in this scene: Carl brags about having fixed the toaster, which shoots out some burnt toast before sparking and setting on fire. Carl puts out the fire with an extinguisher. You may have found this scene familiar, as the fire extinguisher moment is in the main credits of the show. After this fiasco, Carl agrees to get an estimate from a contractor. A bit later on, a contractor is in their home, and she gives Carl the estimate. The contractor is a white woman, so we’re right on schedule for the “white person every couple of episodes” stipulation. Here’s some unsurprising news: Carl thinks her estimate is WAY too high, so he sends her away, declaring that he’ll just do it himself. Harriet tells him that he bit off more than he can chew, because Sylvia (classic white lady name) has a crew. Just then, Eddie walks in, and Carl tells Harriet, “Here’s my crew.” Eddie is less than pleased, because he knows his father sucks at this shit. After a brief scene where Carl and Eddie accidentally put a shower rod through the window (also from the main credits) we cut to Estelle’s bathroom, where Eddie asks why he always has to be the one to help Carl with his crazy plans. Carl tells him that’s what men do, and Eddie asks what women do. Carl doesn’t know, which is hilarious. Carl starts the process of removing a wall, and accidentally hits his hand, even though it is very obvious that he did NOT hit his hand. He missed it by a mile. He missed it as badly as every punch thrown by a pro-wrestler in the 1980’s. After the accident that did not occur, Carl flails around wildly, causing Urkel-like damage to the rest of the bathroom.
Rachel’s Story:
Rachel is ecstatic, because Little Ritchie has said his first word: “Mama.” Carl asks her if she’s sure, because Ritchie is only nine months old, after all. Rachel tries to get him to say it again, and it seems like he does. Rachel is SUPER proud now, so she tries to get Ritchie to say it once more, but we hear, “I’m not in the mood,” and it is revealed that it was Carl pretending to be Ritchie. Harriet and I both crack up at this. When it’s time for Estelle to leave, Rachel tries to get Little Ritchie to say, “Bye-bye, Grandma!” which makes no sense, because Rachel is not related to Carl through blood. Maybe this was a secret reveal that Carl and Rachel had an affair, and that Ritchie is Carl’s baby, and not her dead husband Robert’s. Scandalous. Rachel decides that she is going to use a tape recorder to record Little Ritchie constantly, to prove to the rest of the family that he has the ability to speak.
Conclusion:
Harriet asks Carl when she can see the shower, but Carl doesn’t want her to see it until it’s done. The phone rings, and it’s Estelle, calling from a pay phone inside Frank’s house. Frank is making his own mother pay him to call home. This guy is dastardly, but you have to respect the hustle. Mother Winslow tells Harriet that she can’t spend another minute with this guy, and she’s coming home tomorrow. Eddie tries to go out for the night, but Carl, now faced with an immediate deadline for this project, tells Eddie that his plans have changed.
Against Carl’s wishes, Harriet checks out the bathroom, and it’s a good thing she does; the bathroom is a mess, and Carl is nowhere near completing this task. He thinks he is close, though, and he tells her that the pipes are done. They do the joke where the faucet in the sink makes the water come out of the shower and vice versa, which is another joke that 90’s sitcoms were contractually obligated to make. Carl finally admits that he doesn’t have any idea what the fuck he’s doing, which makes him feel like less of a man. Harriet tells him that he doesn’t have to be a handyman to be manly, he just has to love her a whole bunch. It’s what you tell a child when they fail at something. Somehow, this works on Carl, and he agrees to bring Sylvia and her crew back in on the job.
Mother Winslow comes home from her trip, and badmouths Frank a bit. Carl suggests that she unwinds by using her new shower. They go into the bathroom, and it’s gorgeous. Estelle tells Carl that it looks professionally done, and Carl admits that it is. They re-hired the contractor, and you have to wonder how much it cost them; it’s very well done, so Sylvia and her crew must have worked overnight. Compounding matters, this work was all done after Carl essentially told Sylvia to go fuck herself. That likely cost the Winslows some money as well. Estelle tells them that she is glad that they chose to hire someone, because only a fool would mess around with plumbing. Carl and Harriet leave so that Mother Winslow can shower.
In the kitchen, Rachel is still trying to get Little Ritchie to speak. Her tape recorder runs out of batteries, so she runs upstairs to get new ones. Harriet sends Carl out of the room to get glasses for the milkshakes she’s making them, but he can’t find them, so she leaves the room as well. In the most obvious joke in television history, Little Ritchie says “Mama” once everyone has left the room, and that’s how the episode ends.
Definitely not the worst episode of Family Matters, and definitely not the best. The last two columns have desperately needed a NUM rating (Needs Urkel Meter, for those of you who aren’t day one Urkheads), but Urkel was technically in both episodes, so it’s not warranted. Join me next week, when I’ll be reviewing episode 1.9, “Stakeout.” You gotta think that one will be Carl-centric, which is always a good thing.
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