Only Urkel Matters, Episode 2.18: Do it
“Life of the Party”
Original Air Date: February 8, 1991
Previously on OUM: We lost an extremely important character forever. RIP Bloodfang. You were such a good boy.
If you missed the last recap, you can read it here. Any “Only Urkel Matters” that you may have missed can be found here.
Shout out to my dude Kompy Komp, who, aside from being the first person to use a pseudonym in a shout-out on my blog, was also the first person to mention that the balloon scene in last week’s episode was featured in the movie, “Wolf of Wall Street.” Cool little bit of trivia for ya there.
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Cold Open:
The family is in the living room, and they’re bickering about something. It’s impossible to tell exactly what, because they are all talking at the same time. Carl uses an airhorn to get them all to settle down, and we find out that they are trying to decide where to go on vacation. They all have their opinions, but Rachel’s is the only interesting one:
(Family Matters)
Let’s move quickly past how weird it is that she would say something so overtly sexual around her family (including her infant son) and skip right to whatever the hell New Little Ritchie is doing. What is this dance? It seems like he both understands that his mother wants to find a man (with the specific intention of fellating said man) and supports her in this endeavor. Very strange choice here. Carl suggests that they go to a lake in Michigan, which would require very little driving and would be a cheaper alternative. The family continues to bicker about where they should go into the credits.
The Story:
Laura and Maxine are on the couch, planning Maxine’s party. I assume it is a birthday party, but they never really mention what it is for. What they do mention is that the party will be held on the roof. For those of you that have seen these Family Matters episodes before, yes, it is that party on the roof. Be excited. Rachel comes in and bitches that Maxine has not given her enough money to cater the party properly. This happens solely so Rachel will be at the party, because she has an extremely important role to play.
Speaking of the party and Rachel, here she is dancing by herself to Boom Crash Opera’s “Onion Skin” in the opening shot of the next scene:
It is an important scene? No, it is not, but there was no reason that this scene couldn’t have just started with Laura walking into the party, and we all know that I’m a sucker for people dancing for no reason. Laura and Maxine spend a few seconds telling each other how good they look, and then Willie and Waldo show up. This is the first time in the show that they actually call Waldo by his name. Willie and Waldo are crashing the party, which Maxine is thrilled about. Her theory is that the party must be a big event if people are bothering to crash it. Makes sense from a certain point of view. After the two boys walk by, Laura spots a boy named Harvey Garvey. It was established earlier in the episode that Harvey only has four teeth, and now we get a look at his disgusting mouth:
**** (Family Matters)
The girls head over towards the refreshment table, where Willie, Waldo, and about ten other boys are hovering over the punch. Laura asks them to dance, but Willie tells her that they’re busy spiking the punch:
(Family Matters)
Laura tells them that drinking is for losers, and orders Willie to skedaddle. Willie tells her that if he leaves, he takes the booze and all of the guys with him. Maxine, afraid that her party will become a real clambake (this has never been an actual concern in real life, so I had to create my own term for a female sausage fest), tells Laura to shut up about the booze. Laura loudly proclaims that she can have a good time without drinking and storms off.
Later, Laura is sulking, because everyone is having a great time, and despite her earlier proclamation, she finds herself unable to do the same. Urkel shows up, and after the live studio audience creams themselves, he excitedly declares that there are some real A-List people at the party. Of course, this is who he means:
I hate that they spelled it, “Harve” and not “Harv” (Family Matters)
Laura complains that no one is dancing, and the Urkster tells her that he’ll get the neighbors complaining in no time. He walks over to the rest of the boys, where Willie calls him, “Steve the Dweeb.” Urkel rightly points out that this isn’t very clever, and Willie threatens him, implying that Harvey Garvey only has four teeth because Willie punched the rest of them out. Urkel suggests to the teenage boys that they satisfy their hormonal angst by dancing with the group of teenage girls that are just standing around looking bored. When the boys all roll their eyes at him, Urkel tells Harvey to turn up the music, which is somehow already playing a very specific song:
If you asked me to pick the most iconic moment in Family Matters history, I think this is the one I’d choose. There are so many weird things about this wonderful yet absolutely horrible scene:
1) The only lines from the song that aren’t rapped by Urkel in the moment are, “Do it. Do it. Everybody! Do the Urkel Dance.” This implies that before this exact moment, Urkel recorded a woman singing those lines, and also convinced Laura and Maxine to play it at their party, which back then would have been a GIANT pain in the ass.
2) As I already pointed out, the song begins before Urkel has the chance to prompt it. Somehow, Urkel knew that he would have a short conversation with Laura and Maxine, that he would point at Harvey, and that he would have a confrontation with Willie. He also knew exactly how much time all of those things would take.
3) The people involved in this dance all know the words, as well as all of the moves, which implies that they were shown this ahead of time. Either that, or Urkel wrote a rap song that made it on TV, and subsequently blew the fuck up. I honestly can’t decide whether it would make less sense for Laura to have spent enough time with Urkel to learn his dance, or for him to have become a rap star who still gets treated like a nerd at his high school.
4) The end of the snort, guys. THE END OF THE SNORT.
5) This episode inspired a fucking board game:
(Milton Bradley)
I had that board game in my house for over twenty years before my mother gave it away. Fortunately, one of my friends bought me another one about six months later, and that one is up in my closet right now.
Fun fact: I once gave an oral presentation on how to play “Do the Urkel.” I wish I had video of that, because I legitimately made some kid in the class sing the lyrics and do the dance. It was hilarious.
It seems like an actual crime to continue talking about this episode, because I’d rather type another 2,000 words about “Do the Urkel,” but the OUM must go on. After the dance, Willie feels humiliated for some reason, so he gives Urkel some of the spike punch as a “peace treaty.” The Urkman thinks the taste is weird, but he continues drinking it anyway, which is basically what we’ve all done with alcohol since the beginning of time.
(Note: I realized later on that Willie may have meant that Steve had humiliated him during the boxing match from episode 2.11, but even that feels like a stretch)
A little later, Steve is absolutely plastered. He’s making toast after toast, and none of what he’s saying makes any sense. No one makes any attempt to help him whatsoever. Laura appears, and Urkel calls her a “sore for sight eyes.” They make this “he’s drunk, so he’s saying things backwards” joke three more times, including “pife of the larty,” and “ooh the Durkel,” the latter of which he says twice. If they had made a “Drunk Urkel” doll, it would have made millions of dollars. Laura asks Waldo what’s wrong with Steve, and though Willie has strictly forbidden Waldo to tell her what happened, she is able to easily trick him into confessing that they have spiked Urkel’s punch. Here’s a question for you: why wasn’t Laura aware that this was going on? Literally everyone else at that party was watching Urkel’s antics, laughing their asses off at him. Where the fuck did she go during what I assume was AT LEAST the last hour of the party (even being a ninety pound teenager who has never drank before, Steve couldn’t have gotten that wasted in less than an hour)? Before Laura can do anything about the situation, Urkel makes it way worse by climbing onto the ledge of the roof. Rachel yells for him to get down, and Steve responds very wittily, telling her that you gotta get up before you can get down. He then immediately falls off the roof. Everyone at the party rushes to the ledge, where they can see that while falling, Urkel was able to grab onto another ledge, and is now dangling perilously:
(Family Matters)
Rachel springs into action, telling Laura to call 9/11 while she climbs down the fire escape to the platform below. Unfortunately, the platform she’s on is directly across from the one that Urkel is hanging from, so she begins to tight rope across a clothesline:
(Family Matters)
This was such a bizarre choice for them to have made that I immediately Googled “Telma Hopkins tightrope,” which led me to this episode’s IMDB trivia section. According to that page, the tightrope scene was added because Ms. Hopkins learned to how to do it for “Circus of the Stars.” Even though it kind of seems a little out of the blue, there’s no denying that this is a very cool scene. Obviously, Rachel succeeds, and saves Urkel. Thou shalt not kill the cash cow.
Later, the police have arrived, and they are frisking Willie and Waldo. They can’t find anything on them, but then Waldo accidentally reveals that his coat used to be a mini-bar. Laura admonishes Willie and Waldo, telling them that bringing a coat with a mini-bar in it to a party isn’t cool, and that it isn’t funny to spike someone’s drink. She’s half-right. I quit drinking alcohol, so I’d be pretty peeved if someone spiked my drink, but if I showed up to a party with a coat filled with booze, I’d 100% be the coolest person there. The cops, who don’t really give a shit if any of this is cool or not, do care that it’s not legal, and they arrest Willie and Waldo. This, unfortunately, will be the last we see of Willie Fuffner, which is a damn shame, because Larenz Tate is a fantastic actor, and was probably the best bully of the series.
Conclusion:
Back at the Winslow house, Harriette and Estelle have finalized the family trip, and they’ve decided to go to the lake, like Carl wanted. Here’s Carl’s reaction to this:
Sure, it’s a nothing scene, exactly the same as every other “man puts his foot in mouth and his lady makes him feel like a fool” sitcom scene, and it was almost certainly added just to fill some time. However, look how much fun RVJ is having. He’s really going for it, and I loved that.
The next morning, Steve is nursing a hangover. Luckily for him, Carl is whipping up his sure-fire hangover cure. You always see these things on sitcoms, but they sure as fuck don’t exist in real life. If they did, I’d probably still be a drinker. Steve drinks this thing, and immediately feels better. He goes to head out the door, but stops dead in his tracks. You see, while the hangover cure did the trick, it also did another trick, and Steve needs to get to the bathroom immediately. If you’re a drinker, you probably recognize what’s happening to him. Poor Steven Q. Urkel has the DADS (Day After Drinking Shits). He runs to the bathroom, apologizing to Laura for not having the time to talk. Carl giggles, and the episode ends.
Join me next time, when I break down episode 2.19, “Busted.”
