Only Urkel Matters, Episode 2.15
“Son”
Original Air Date: January 11, 1991
Last week, Carl almost died in a freak Styrofoam ice accident, and Eddie learned a valuable lesson about how important his father is to him. Will he remember that lesson this week? No, he won’t.
If you missed last week’s recap, you can read it here. Any “Only Urkel Matters” that you may have missed can be found here.
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(Family Matters)
Cold Open:
Carl is settling in to watch his beloved Chicago Bears play their rival Minnesota Vikings when New Little Ritchie comes in, and he’s followed closely by Harriette and Rachel, who are carrying a large box. Because they are rude as shit, they place this box directly in front of the TV, blocking Carl’s view of the game. They tell Carl that the box contains a playhouse for NLR, and that it’ll be his job to assemble it. Carl tells them that this will have to wait until the game is over, but NLR uses his powers of adorableness to convince his uncle to start right away. Rachel tells Harriette that Carl never stood a chance. No shit, asshole. You’re his mother. Convince the small child that waiting three to four hours for the game to be over isn’t that big of a deal!
The Story:
There is a brief scene between Carl and Urkel where Steve offers to help Carl build the playhouse and then teaches him how to say, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!” in Korean. It’s a rare comedic miss for these two characters.
We then join Harriette, Laura, and Rachel in the kitchen, where Rachel is rethinking her decision to have Carl build NLR’s playhouse. Is it because she feels bad that she ruined his afternoon? Fuck no! It’s because she feels like he’s not enough of a handyman to pull it off. I kinda hate her right now. We find out that Eddie is also in the kitchen, and he’s on the phone with Jolene. When Carl comes in, complaining that he can’t find his screwdriver, Eddie is too busy fawning over Jolene to answer him. Carl hangs the phone up, and Eddie gets pretty heated. He tells Carl that he used the screwdriver the week to fix his bike, but he doesn’t know where it is now. He also tells Carl that it’s not important, and to give him a break. Eddie heads into the living room.
Carl follows him, and the two of them continue to fight over the screwdriver, with occasional nonsensical interjections from the Urkman. Eddie offers to buy Carl a new screwdriver, which is a pretty good compromise if you ask me, but at that point the argument was mostly about Eddie’s attitude on the subject. Eddie tells Carl that he has to go get ready for his date, and Carl tells him that he doesn’t, because he’s grounded. After Eddie goes up to his room, Urkel tries to get Carl to meditate on the incident, which doesn’t go very well:
Later that evening, Eddie decides to sneak out and meet Jolene regardless, and he does so in the weirdest way ever:
(Family Matters)
Laura tells Eddie that sneaking out is a terrible idea considering the mood that Carl is in, and even though he knows she’s right, he can’t help himself. Jolene is going to be in a mini-skirt, and that’s just something he has to see. Can’t say I blame him.
Later that night, Eddie tries to sneak back in, but he’s busted by Carl, who is menacingly brandishing the missing screwdriver, which Urkel apparently found by using a metal detector. Carl uses the principles of detection to discover that Eddie has some lipstick on his collar. He says that Eddie must really be into Jolene, if he’s willing to die for her. First of all, you’d have to be an idiot to not be willing to die for Jolene, she’s a goddess. Second of all, isn’t a girl worth dying for exactly what we all want (Okay, I guess what we all what is a girl worth fighting for, but you know what I mean)? Carl grounds Eddie for three months, and Eddie tells him that he’s moving out. They both yell, “Fine!” and storm out of the room, leaving Harriette and Rachel to look at each other concernedly.
Carl, unable to sleep because he’s so mad at Eddie, tries once again to put together NLR’s playhouse. It doesn’t go the way he’d hoped:
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Harriette comes in, accompanied by Rachel, who apologizes to Carl for starting this whole mess. I became confused by this, until I realized that Carl would not have had to look for a screwdriver at all if she hadn’t (through an adorable proxy) insisted that he build the playhouse. Rachel leaves the room, yelling at herself all the while. Harriette tries in vain to get Carl to try and reason with Eddie, but Carl feels disrespected, so he flat out refuses. I 100% side with him, by the way. Harriette threatens to make him sleep on the couch if Eddie ends up moving out.
Harriette heads into the kitchen, where she finds Eddie packing. I didn’t mistype that. Eddie, not knowing where he will find his next meal, is stealing a bunch of shit from the fridge:
Good thinking. Harriette tries to convince Eddie that he should be the one who tries to mend fences with Carl, but he’s just as stubborn, and refuses. Harriette tells Eddie to stay put and goes into the living room to get Carl. She forces them both to sit down and begins to tell them the tale of the night when Eddie was born.
We go to a flashback. I know it’s a flashback because the screen distorts, and we hear the wind chime sound effect. I also know it’s a flashback because they somehow have an even tackier couch, and Carl has hair:
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The two of them get into some stereotypical pregnancy shenanigans: Carl is in such a hurry to get to the hospital that he forgets both his pants and Harriette, they do breathing exercises together mostly so that Carl will calm down, and it’s eventually decided that they can’t make it to the hospital in time.
Later on in the same flashback, a doctor has finally arrived, and he congratulates Carl for delivering baby Edward all on his own (I guess we know why they needed to buy a new couch). The doctor tells Carl that both Harriette and Eddie are doing just fine, and skedaddles. Harriette hands Carl his first-born son for the first time, and Carl delivers a dramatic monologue to a baby:
How the hell did they find a baby that looked so much like Eddie? Solid casting job.
Conclusion:
Back at the kitchen table, Eddie and Carl patch things up. Carl tells Eddie a story of how he and his father got into a similar tiff, and Eddie promises that he’ll never lose another screwdriver. I’m glad to see Eddie learn to not take his father for granted. After all, it’s not like he learned that lesson LAST FUCKING WEEK. The two embrace, and then Harriette comes over to embrace the two of them. The episode ends on a freeze frame of the three of them:
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Join me next week, when I break down episode 2.16, “Do the Right Thing,” in which I assume Eddie will do the right thing, and not forget what he learned this week.
