Only Urkel Matters, Episode 1.2
“Two Income Family”
Original Air Date: September 29, 1989
Welcome back! Last week, we met the Winslow family, who received Mother Winslow into their home, like the strong, loving family that we know they are. Nothing can break their spirit, not even a Peeping Tom son or a murderous daughter. If you missed last week’s recap, you can read it here. And feel free to watch along with me on Hulu.
Last week’s pilot episode featured a bizarrely small role for Harriet. After all, she is the only character to have existed before the show itself. Harriet was the elevator operator on the hit TGIF show, “Perfect Strangers,” who was so beloved that ABC decided to make a spin-off show about her family. In “The Mama Who Came to Dinner” (still a terrible title), Harriet was mostly there to emasculate Carl. In this episode, however, she gets her chance to shine. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made this episode first, and then decided that the pilot needed to include Mama Winslow’s back-story (as well as Ant Rachel’s history, which is, as you know, “a person who has a dead husband”).
Now, let’s get into the episode.
“Is it a problem if the car is on fire?” (Photo Credit: IMDB)
Harriet’s Story:
Harriet comes into the kitchen and sees Carl paying bills (more on that later). Carl wonders if they have any kids he doesn’t know about, because their food costs are through the roof. Carl is unaware that their bills are about a dozen episodes away from growing astronomically, mostly due to home restoration expenses and the occasional wheel of cheese. Harriet doesn’t want to pile on, but the car needs a tune-up. Carl suggests that Harriet, AN ELEVATOR OPERATOR, should ask her boss for a raise. Later, Harriet comes home and tells Carl that she’s been fired. As it turns out, if you have a job that could easily be done by a machine, you should keep your damn mouth shut. This one is on Carl. Don’t worry, everyone else lets him know that they are very aware that this is his fault. Harriet heads out to try to find a job, which you had to do back in the old times before the inter-webs had been invented. She doesn’t make it very far, because the car breaks down right at the end of the street. Carl reassures her that everything will be okay, but she tells him nonchalantly that the CAR IS ON FIRE. I’m using a lot of caps lock here, but I need you to understand that these characters are oblivious to a LOT of things. There is never any more news on the car, so let’s assume that it exploded, killing every one of their neighbors and making room for a certain nerd’s family to move in.
Carl’s Story:
The episode begins a bit earlier, with Carl coming into the kitchen to pay the aforementioned bills. His kids see what he’s up to and scatter, and warn Mother Winslow what her son is up to. She also does not want to be around Carl while he’s doing bills, and is going to wait to take her medication until he is done, risking her life. Ant Rachel comes into the kitchen with Little Ritchie, and Carl holds the baby while she prepares to feed him. Little Ritchie has a huge grin on his face while his Uncle holds him. Carl is not only a great father, but a great uncle as well. Ant Rachel, like everyone else before her, notices that Carl is doing bills, takes the baby, and bolts. At his point, you’re really starting to wonder why everyone is so afraid of being around Carl while he does the bills. He must turn into someone truly terrible while he does them, right? Well, we never find out, because this never gets resolved. I’m holding out hope that maybe this will be explained in a future episode, but if not then it’s just a giant waste of time.
Eddie’s Story:
Eddie wants a new pair of sneakers, because he’s currently wearing Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s, and “The man is retired. It’s embarrassing.” He doesn’t realize that this makes them retro and therefore even cooler than they were before. Eddie wants a pair of Jordan’s, which makes perfect sense, because they live in Chicago and those shoes were the hottest thing on the planet back then. They might still be. I don’t know. I’m not as down with the youth as Mother Winslow is. Carl says that his current pair is practically new, and that he’s not getting new ones. They have a few more conversations about the sneakers, and Carl finally tells Eddie an old saying about a man who was distressed because he had no shoes, until he met a man who had no feet. Eddie is confused, and says, “Did I meet him?” I chuckled at that. Sometimes I’m not sure if I think these jokes are funny, or if I’m giving the characters the benefit of the doubt because of nostalgia.
Laura, Judy, and Ant Rachel’s Story (AKA Still Not Important):
Judy asks Laura for help with her times-tables too many times, and Laura flies into a murderous rage. You can really feel her breaking point coming. After these three find out that Harriet has lost her job, they try to help by stuffing envelopes. The show does a fantastic job of not explaining what they are stuffing, or why they would get paid for it. They develop a system where Ant Rachel folds, Laura stuffs the envelope, and Judy seals. They forget to put some of the papers in, so Judy has to unseal, Laura has to unstuff, and Ant Rachel has to unfold. High comedy.
Conclusion:
At dinner, Mother Winslow tries to get the family used to the idea that there might be hard times ahead. She makes them what she calls, “a depression dinner,” which is just turnips and bacon drippings, and as Carl points out is actually depressing. This old bag knows how to survive. The family is rightfully disgusted by this slop of a meal, and mostly everyone gives up on eating. Eddie tries to leave, and Carl tells him to stay and eat his dinner before getting up and leaving himself. Hypocrite.
On the porch, where hearts are warmed and life lessons are learned, Carl tries to lift Harriet’s spirits, but Harriet is having none of it. She’s afraid she doesn’t have the right experience, since she has only ever been an elevator operator. Carl says that isn’t true, and mentions that she worked at the police station for a few months. Conveniently, there is a security management job available at Harriet’s old job, The Chronicle, and Carl convinces her to interview for it, despite Harriet correctly pointing out that she doesn’t any management experience and is therefore unqualified for the job.
Harriet walks confidently into her interview with a man named Mr. Seeger, whose name I assumed would be spelled “Seager,” but IMDB says I’m wrong, and you don’t mess with the DB. Mr. Seeger is a nice guy who is thrilled to see Harriet. She shows him her resume and he immediately sees that she does not have management experience. He tells her that he’s sorry, but he can’t give her a job that she’s not qualified for. Harriet is about to walk out, but she comes back and gives him some nonsense about how she does have management experience because she’s raised three kids, and then says he can call Eddie, Laura, and Judy Winslow if he wants references. I don’t have much interviewing experience, but it seems like telling off the interviewer is not the best of strategies. Harriet storms out of the office.
Back at the house, Harriet walks in glumly, and Carl wonders why she’s been gone five hours. She says that after the interview, she felt so good about telling off Mr. Seeger (who never treated her poorly and kept her on as an elevator operator for five years too long out of the kindness of his heart) that she went to a double feature. Now, I’m all for treating yo self, but her family is eating turnips and goddamn bacon drippings. The entertainment budget should be zero dollars. Eddie comes up to Carl and says that he’s figured out the lesson about the man who had no feet, and hands Carl all of the money he’s saved working overtime at the grocery store. He’s making a noble sacrifice for the family by giving up on the Jordan’s, but at least he has peeping on the neighbor to cheer him up. Ant Rachel comes in, having bought the ingredients for a big steak dinner, and congratulates Harriet on getting the job. Apparently, she spoke to Mr. Seeger on the phone earlier, and he had some great things to say about Harriet. Now the family is confused. While Harriet calls Mr. Seeger to get some clarification, Mother Winslow comes in and asks how the interview went. Carl tells her that they don’t know yet, but she either has the job or she doesn’t. Mother Winslow tells him that yes, those are the two options. That’s a damn good joke. Harriet does the classic “make it seem like she’s getting bad news” telephone bit that every 90’s sitcom is contractually required to do, and then erupts in jubilation. While the family starts making a congratulatory dinner, Harriet pulls Carl into the living room and gives him a big smooch, thanking him for giving her the courage to interview for the job.
There you have it. A mediocre episode of television that desperately needed some Urkel. But we still have quite a few episodes to go before he polkas his way into our hearts.
Join me next week as I break down episode 1.3, “Short Story.” If this isn’t about one of the kids having to deal with other youths calling them short, I’ll be extremely surprised.
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