Only Urkel Matters, Episode 3.17: They Always Ask "Where's Waldo?" They Never Ask "How's Waldo?"
“Food, Lies, and Videotape”
Original Air Date: February 7, 1992
Previously on OUM: Eddie was a jerk to his grandmother, so she made him look dumb in front of all of his friends. She’s the best.
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Cold Open:
Laura is in the kitchen cooking, but she’s also on the phone with Urkel. Steve is doing his best to get an invitation to breakfast, but Laura tells him that it’s just for the family. She then tells him that she has to get off the phone, because if she’s not careful, she’ll burn it. As she’s saying this, the oven begins to smoke. Laura freaks out and drops the phone. Her strategy to save her house from burning down is to flap her arms like a birdie. Luckily for her, Hurricane Urkel blows in, and he knows just what to do to save the day:
The Story:
Laura and Urkel are still recovering from her cooking mishap when Harriette comes downstairs. She demands to know what happened, and Laura tells her that she almost restarted the Chicago Fire. She explains that the directions said to cook the muffins at 275 degrees for twenty minutes, so she chose to cook them for ten minutes at 550 instead. Urkel explodes with laughter, and starts to wonder how someone so smart could do something so stupid. Before he can get the word “stupid” out, however, Laura glares at him until he decides to leave. Harriette asks Laura what inspired her sudden interest in cooking, and to my surprise and delight, it does not have anything to do with a boy. Laura has thought ahead to her college years, and decided that she may get hungry once or twice in her four years away from home. Harriette offers to teach her to cook, but Laura knows that her mother doesn’t have the patience to teach her anything, so she decides to take a home economics class instead. If this doesn’t end with Steve Urkel setting Ms. Steuben’s new classroom on fire, someone fucked something up horribly.
Carl comes into the living room, filming his entrance with a camcorder that he just purchased from a police auction. He explains to his mother that now they can record all of the family’s big events. Carl goes on to say that he alone is the only one in the family who is allowed to use the camera, which seems like a set up for some juicy teenage antics. When Estelle points out that if he is the only one that uses the camera, then he won’t be in any of the videos, Carl tells her that it has a remote, so he’ll be able to be in all of them. Estelle tells him that he’ll have to make sure he gets a “wide lens.” Carl laughs good-naturedly at his mother’s fat joke, and videotapes them laughing together. Nice moment.
Later, at Vanderbilt High, Laura and the Urkman walk into her new Home Economic class. She asks him why he insists on joining her in every class she’s in, and I immediately rejoice, because we’re definitely getting that Ms. Steuben freaking out over Urkel scene. I love that they set this up and are now delivering, you almost never get that from this show. Laura runs into Cassie-Lynn, who you may remember from Episode 3.8 as the head cheerleader that Laura upstaged. They exchange some nasty, teenage, passive aggressive barbs at each other. Laura and Steve then move to the back of the room, where they find Waldo, who has been standing alone and looking forlorn. Laura questions why he is in this class, and we though he has some initial false reasoning, we eventually find out it’s because he thinks he can get a good grade out of a Mickey Mouse class like Home Ec. Finally, Ms. Steuben enters, and we get the scene I’ve been looking forward to since Laura expressed her interest in this class:
Irene Steuben is one of my favorite recurring characters on this show. The defeat in her eyes as she says, “Months…oh, months” is priceless.
A bit later, we’ve come to the end of class, and all of these teens have had varying degrees of success. Laura made a fine-looking loaf of bread, but she accidentally baked her watch inside of it. Cassie-Lynn brought a loaf of bread in from home, but she didn’t remove it from the wrapper, and an exasperated Ms. Steuben has to call her out on it. It’s Waldo who really shines in this endeavor. He has not only baked a perfect loaf of bread, but also find the time to make a delicious-looking turkey. Ms. Steuben compliments him on his effort, and he responds in typical Waldo fashion. Never change, Waldo Geraldo Faldo. Steve’s effort is pathetic; his bread doesn’t even begin to rise. Ms. Steuben recognizes that he put forth a great deal of effort, so she takes pity on him and gives him a C. The Urkman has never received anything lower than an A, so he too responds in a fashion that is emblematic of his character:
Change as soon as possible, Steven Q. Urkel.
Eddie is on the living room couch with Rhonda, who is busy studying. As you might guess, he has no interest in learning anything. He is finally able to convince her to make out with him a little bit, when in comes NLR, who is carrying a camcorder (guess I jumped the gun with “teenage antics”) and followed closely by Eddie’s irrelevant youngest sister. NLR tapes them kissing for a moment, and when the two teens realize what is happening, he tells them that he’s going to send it in to “America’s Yuckiest Home Videos”. YOU WILL ACCEPT HIS ADORABLENESS OR YOU WILL FORFEIT YOUR LIFE. Rhonda understandably runs off, and Eddie goes to follow her, but not before telling his younger family members that if they were smart, they’d run away from home before he returned. NLR couldn’t care less about this, but his casual nature gets the better of him and he drops Carl’s prized camcorder, completely shattering it.
Back at the high school, Urkel is hard at work flattening some dough. He tells Ms. Steuben that he has created a new super yeast, which he’s dubbed, “Urk Yeast.” He starts to explain what he’s done to the yeast, but Ms. Steuben shuts him down. She’s had it up to here with his shit. She heads over to check on Laura, who has taken her advice and slowed down. Ms. Steuben tells her that she’s doing a great job, and Laura glows with pride. Finally, the teacher heads over to check on Waldo, who is at it again, creating dishes with ease while his classmates slowly progress. She tells him that he could be a great chef, and Waldo tells her that this is the first time anyone has told him that he could be good at anything. It's a touching moment, but it doesn’t last long, because Urkel’s gambit has gone just about as smoothly as you’d imagine:
This might have been the first time (but it certainly won’t be the last) that they’ve used the “Urkel’s science is going horribly wrong” music. I like that they went with Urkel causing a mess instead of destruction; I had been certain that this was going to be a Leroy’s situation, possibly resulting in Steve and Rachel’s acquisition of the school on the cheap. They’re gonna run this town, one fire at a time.
Back at the Winslow’s, Carl is getting ready for work, but his nephew has a confession to make:
Strong agree. (Family Matters)
Carl thanks NLR for being honest about the camera, and tells him that he should always listen to his conscience.
Conclusion:
Back at Vanderbilt, Ms. Steuben is sitting in the Home Ec classroom with a thousand-yard stare, looking like she just went through Normandy instead of a botched high school cooking project. Steve comes in and gives her the bad news that the janitor has opted for early retirement rather than attempting to clean up the mess. Ms. Steuben determines that he has the right idea, and decides that she ought to quit too. Steve tells her that this is poppycock, because she has not only taught him and his peers about cooking, but that she has also taught them about life. She taught Laura to slow down and organize, she taught Cassie-Lynn how to actually do something for herself, and Lord knows the wonders that she did for Waldo’s self-esteem. Finally, Urkel tells her that she taught him that he can’t always be perfect, and to accept an L once in a while. A tearful Ms. Steuben goes to hug him in thanks (which would almost certainly get her fired these days), and the two of them fall back into the goop, ending the episode.
Join me next time, when I break down Episode 3.18, “My Broken-Hearted Valentine.”
